Wills, Including all children
Question:
In a previous article, barb…@aiken.sc.edu said: >Tracey – interesting point you brought up. My soon-to-be husband’s ex >has sole custody of their 4 year old daughter. Is it automatic that >he would get custody of her if something happened to his ex-wife?
She may have appointed a different guardian for their daughter, and, if not contested by your fiance, that guardianship would probably apply. (This is from my own will-making expereince in NY; I’m no lawyer, and you should check with an attorney in your state.) However, if your fiance contested the guardianship, and can show that he’s paid his CS, kept in contact with his daughter, and would be a fit parent, I would think it would be automatic that custody would revert to him if he wanted it. In fact, I *think* he wouldn’t even have to prove fitness; the other guardian would have to prove that he *wasn’t* fit. But, like everything you read on Usenet, take it with a grain of salt and check with someone who *knows*! Vicki — Vicki Robinson <blink><a href="http://www.rit.edu/~vjrnts/binky.html">BINKY!</a></blink> Visit my home page at <a href="http://www.rit.edu/~vjrnts"> Vicki’s Home Page </a> and sign my guest book. Millions have!
Response:
Good points, Vicki. I’m operating from this being a non-issue for me generally because at this point, I have no money, etc. Also from the point that my parents are designated as guardians for our kids if something happens to both of us and they ‘did right’ by my nephews when my sister died and I have complete trust that they would do right by our kids. Tracey
Response:
I have the same problem. I posted a while back. My children’s father is in jail on rape charges. He has not been to trial yet, he can’t post bail. He has been vilent and abusive but in Texas it is a rebuttable presumption that if one parent dies,the other parent (even if divorce) gets the children. I have remarried, my new husband is wonderful and I want him to be guardian. I have a will. It states the reasons why I don’t want their dad to have custody. I have named my new husband, their stepfather as guardian. I have also left money specifically for a legal battle should it be necessary. I have set up a trust for my insurance and other money and named my husband as trustee. My ex should he ever get custody,would have no control over the money. I think this is a big enough incentive to prevent him from wanting the children.
Response:
In a previous article, rbranc…@earthlink.net said: >Generally, if you would die before any or all of the kids >reach maturity, the kids won’t inherit anyway, your husband >would. Right? After that, I don’t think there’s any way to >keep your husband from doing with it what he wants.
Yes, there is. In my first marriage, my husband had three much older children from his first marriage, and we had two together. I made my will at first to give him everything, since I knew he’d take care of my kids, but then I realized that *his* will split everything up 5 ways among his kids (the adult kids got the same share as the babies who had years of growing up and education ahead of them; didn’t understand that). If we were in an accident and I died at 2:00, then he died at 2:03, my estate would pass to him, and then his estate would go to all of his kids. That would have meant that 60% of *my* estate would have gone to *his* adult kids. I changed my will to read that my entire estate goes into trust for my kids, administered by their father, who is no longer my husband, but who would be their custodial parent if I died. He would have access to that money for their needs, but not for his own or his older kids’. (He also got my property – jewelry and car and the house, which was separate from the trust.) This isn’t hard to do. Talk to your lawyer. Vicki — Visit our wedding at http://www.rit.edu/~vjrnts/wedding.html and sign our guest book! The alt.folklore.urban FAQ and archive can be found at http://www.urbanlegends.com. Take a look, if you have a week to spare.
Response:
Tracey – interesting point you brought up. My soon-to-be husband’s ex has sole custody of their 4 year old daughter. Is it automatic that he would get custody of her if something happened to his ex-wife? She has sole custody now because she demanded it – and he didn’t want to drag his daughter through a nasty battle. His ex refused to consider joint custody, even though my fiance is an excellent father (even his ex will admit that he is). Anyway, what usually happens? What if no one is stipulated in her will to receive custody? I’ve asked him before about it, and he doesn’t know and feels uncomfortable asking his ex about it. They get along quite well, as it is. Barbara PS: to reply by email, use barb…@aiken.sc.edu – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Tracey wrote: > SSM > When I first read your post, I thought you were referring > to if the CP spouse dies while the kids are still minors > and leaves guardianship to someone other than the NCP. That’s > something that we don’t have the slightest idea about. I > sincerely doubt that my husband’s ex has named him as getting > the kids, and I’m pretty sure that, if taken to court, even- > tually he/we would probably get them, but wouldn’t the will > have to be contested, meaning money, etc.? Or, in the case of > divorce, the NCP ‘automatically’ gets custody of minor children? > But, after re-reading your post, I realize you’re talking about > a step-parent’s right to continue having a relationship with > the kids. I’ve been reading where, in situations where the step- > parent divorces a bio parent, they have no visitation rights > (or very few and rarely enforced), so I would think that it > would be the same in case of death. Sounds to me as if there’s > some lobbying needing to be done. > Tracey
Response:
In article <sjwells-0412971751420…@sud-annex3-port48.vianet.on.ca>, sjwe…@mail.vianet.on.ca (Susan J. Wells) wrote: > For the background – My husband has a daughter living with his ex and we > have 4 children together. Mother of step daughter has sole custody. How > do other parents in this situation handle the issue of wills? Maybe I do > not want my share of equity going to the step daughter if I should die > before they all reach maturity. What are some ideas about this? If > husband should die soon our children would need more money from the estate > than would his other daughter as she lives with her mother. If we both > are killed then our children would need more money as they now have lost > both parents and the step daughter still has a wage earning parent. Any > help please.
I note that you’re posting from Canada, so I thought I’d post our solution, as it was geared to a Canadian situation as well. We have joint custody of my partner’s 2 children from his previous marriage, and one child together. First, we dealt with life insurance and the estate as separate issues. My partner carries 6 times his annual salary in insurance; one quarter of that is assigned to the children of his former marriage (about $150,000). The remainder is assigned to me, or to our daughter in the event of my having predeceased him. Having life insurance in favour of the children of his former marriage was a condition of the separation agreement. Second, if I survive my partner, our home and all of the possessions therein contained pass to me, to be distributed at my discretion. Third, any residue of his estate (investments etc…) is divided equally among the three children, to be held in trust and paid out to them when they reach the age of 25. IF I PREDECEASE MY PARTNER, my share in our home and all of the possessions therein passes to him, HOWEVER, my entire residual estate (investments, RRSPs, etc) passes to our daughter, to be held in trust until she is 25. This prevents my equity from passing to his children should I predecease him. IN THE EVENT THAT NEITHER OF US SURVIVES THE OTHER FOR A PERIOD OF 30 DAYS (car accident, fire, etc…) each of us retains our interest in the marital home, and it is divided according to the provisions of our respective wills. In this case, our daughter would receive my full estate, plus 70% of her father’s estate. The remaining 30% of his estate would pass to his other 2 children. The trust fund for our daughter would in that case allow her guardians to cover her expenses from the fund until she is of age to inherit. The guardians and the trustees are two different people to prevent abuses. I know this seems complex, but our lawyer says that it is not uncommon in cases like ours. Before you contact a lawyer, make detailed notes of your situation (total number of children and their parentage, any support obligations mandated by the separation/divorce agreement), types of assets and your desires for disposition. This will save you money and help the lawyer out enormously. He’ll work through all the legalese until he has what you want. Having our wills done was $400 two years ago, and we consider it to have been well worth it. Good luck! Sian
Response:
For the background – My husband has a daughter living with his ex and we have 4 children together. Mother of step daughter has sole custody. How do other parents in this situation handle the issue of wills? Maybe I do not want my share of equity going to the step daughter if I should die before they all reach maturity. What are some ideas about this? If husband should die soon our children would need more money from the estate than would his other daughter as she lives with her mother. If we both are killed then our children would need more money as they now have lost both parents and the step daughter still has a wage earning parent. Any help please.
Response:
Well, I have to admit I have different issues with the will situation in our house than you do. My husband and I have two children, and he has three from a previous marriage who live with their mother. My husband’s divorce decree stipulates that he must carry a certain amount of life insurance with his children as bene- ficiaries. He also carries a policy with myself and our kids as the beneficiaries. So, the ‘monetary’ problem is taken care of that way. As far as the ‘property’ goes, well, let’s just say that there’s not a lot of that. No house, no property, just the basic household items. My husband will reads that everything goes to me, with our two children as secondary beneficiaries if I pre-decease him. His logic there is that when he divorced, his ex kept everything. All he took fit in a <very old> Porsche. So, she has the furniture from his grandmother, the furniture they bought together, etc., and all that stuff SHOULD go to the oldest kids eventually. My problem with that is this: His three older kids are left ‘nothing’ of any personal nature. I’ve done my darnedest to try and get him to at least write an informal ‘letter’ that spells out a few personal things to give to them (for example, his wedding ring and his ‘good’ guitar to his oldest son, his high school ring to his daughter, his ’second’ guitar to the youngest, etc.,) but nothing so far. If read, his will states ‘My older three children receive nothing as they have been taken care of by another document.’ Sounds pretty cold and clinical to me. As far as your situation goes, I don’t quite understand some of your logic. >Maybe I do not want my share of equity going to the step >daughter if I should die before they all reach maturity.
Generally, if you would die before any or all of the kids reach maturity, the kids won’t inherit anyway, your husband would. Right? After that, I don’t think there’s any way to keep your husband from doing with it what he wants. >If my husband should die soon our children would need more >money from the estate than would his other daughter as she >lives with her mother.
This is what I don’t understand. First, I would hope that your husband has an insurance policy with only his daughter as a beneficiary. If he dies before she becomes an adult, child support will stop but she will still have those needs. Second, if your husband dies, there will be six people left without a husband/father to help provide for them. Yes, you and your kids should get a fair share of it, but saying that your kids need more money is not exactly true. All together they need more money (four times as much), but matched one on one, they need the same amount, no? I mean, your stepdaughter and your kids would still have a wage earning parent, their mothers. >If we both are killed then our children would need more >money as they now have lost both parents and the step >daughter still has a wage earning parent.
Now, here I agree with you. If both of you are gone, yes, your kids will need more. How about this. Add together the total amount of the inheritence, divide by two. Let’s call your husband’s half A, your half B. Your half gets divided by 4, your husband’s half gets divided by 5. Everybody is happy, right? What would PROBABLY be alot easier, though, is to have a separate insurance policy for your husband’s daughter and to have some items from the house designated as hers. Less hassle at the lawyer’s, less work and headaches for the exe- cutor, etc. What is bothering me about your post, and forgive me if I’m reading into this too much, but it sounds as if you’re trying to set things up so his daughter gets very little. Or are you feeling that your husband is ‘favoring’ his daughter over your four? Tracey
Response:
SSM When I first read your post, I thought you were referring to if the CP spouse dies while the kids are still minors and leaves guardianship to someone other than the NCP. That’s something that we don’t have the slightest idea about. I sincerely doubt that my husband’s ex has named him as getting the kids, and I’m pretty sure that, if taken to court, even- tually he/we would probably get them, but wouldn’t the will have to be contested, meaning money, etc.? Or, in the case of divorce, the NCP ‘automatically’ gets custody of minor children? But, after re-reading your post, I realize you’re talking about a step-parent’s right to continue having a relationship with the kids. I’ve been reading where, in situations where the step- parent divorces a bio parent, they have no visitation rights (or very few and rarely enforced), so I would think that it would be the same in case of death. Sounds to me as if there’s some lobbying needing to be done. Tracey
Response:
Filed under: Lobbying
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