Activism Change

damo….

Question:

In article <28382-3961E95…@storefull-618.iap.bryant.webtv.net>, <damod…@webtv.net> wrote: > Yeah well inspite of the doctor agreeing I deserve my social security > benefits I was denied….yesterday in the mail. > Something about if I was compliant and didn’t abuse substances. > ???????

Don’t know "compliant" with what, but for the last few years, they won’t give it to you if they think you have a substance abuse problem, gotta never say you drink or anything, or ever did with them. > Nedless to say this has squashed my life like a bug. > I have been reduced from living n a beutiful old farmhouse and acting > independently within my own life to only a ody carrying my clothes in a > backpack. > I’m going to appeal of corse. > My lawyer was flabbergasted saying it should have been a rubber stamp > approval being as I’d been on dissability for about 27 years. > She told me it had to do with my history of substance and alcohol abuse. > I have no idea what the hell is going on. > I ave never had a "drug" problem and can’t recall the last time I smoked > marijuana. > I hadn’t had a drink in over eleven years until just recently. I’m > taking a little beer now and then to deal with the anxiety of this slow > destruction ofmy material and social circumstances in my life. > I have literally no direction to my life.

On the bright side, allot of appeals get approved almost immediately. As you probably know, they almost always say no at first. You could appeal and have SSI in 2 months though, I’ve seen that happen often. Somewhere they got the idea you drink or something. Just gotta say in the appeal, you never did, don’t now, and never will. Sounds like they made one of their many beurocratic errors about the substance abuse thing. I don’t want to further dishearten you, but just to let you know, if they prove you have a drinking or substance problem, they force you to go through a program before you can apply. You probably got an asshole worker who interviewed you and casually said, "do you ever drink?" If you even said "Sometimes" the worker might have checked "substance abuse" Some of them are total Nazis, who act like everyone’s a criminal, scamming them. The thing is you/your lawer makes a point in your appeal of disputing this detail. Different workers look at it, and yer ok. > I can’t just turn around in my life story and forget all context ad > start going to daycare so I can get a job and all. The idea of just > going forward with lving without out emotional context of one step to > the next is so far beyond me. > I can barely move at all.

Keep some hope in the appeal for SSI, you have allot of reason to. I know 4 people who’ve gotten on SSI in the last 5 years, all of them got it on the appeal. Don’t give up yet, you’ve got a really good chance, somewhere around 90 percent. I sometimes think SSI’s rules are designed to make every effort to make people kill themselves in despair,  just to try to save themselves the money.   > I’m going to try to hold out until my court date in the beginning of > august and then run to the V.A. hospital and commit myself. It’s a majr > effort for me to even sit and eat. I am totally broken and without any > kind of living spirit. > My life has no context anymore. > A fish out of water. > I plan to get to the hospital and lie until I die. I almost need someone > to feed me now. > I’ll lose all the stuff in storage in a shortwhile. > With out the disability check.

Damo stop it. Yer gonna get the disability check. You just have to hold on for a bit longer. Find some way to hold on to your stuff, don’t let it go. You just have to appeal immediately and wait a bit longer. It’s great you have a lawer who can do this for you. > I’ll only have…well..a bag at my feet. > Ihave totall lost everything inmy life that has provided me with any > kind of context. > Socialy..materially….all the heirlooms in storage..everything will go > before I hear from them concerning my appeal that they agree with the > doctor who volunteered his opinion to me as I was leaving his office to > reassure me.

Damo are you feeling certain yer gonna lose everything cause you’ve lost hope?  If storage costs what it does here, you’ve just gotta come up with $30 bucks to keep it for another month. A month might be enough. Can’t someone lend you $30? > Pray for me.

Already am. Asked the angels who saved me in my recent motercycle crash to go help you. Seems like they said "yes" > I guess I’ll live on drugs at the veterans hospital. I’m > notexzaggerating I can’t…no one could..lose all context and purpose > that we instill ino our lives and be expected to be like a robot with a > new software program and take jb conselling and become a contributing > member to society..as if I havn’t contributed to society. > No..my struggle is over. > I lost to the irrationality.

Sounds like what you’ve lost is hope. You are thinking of the worst pointless end. I have my own version of that, which I totally fall into when I’ve been hit with a blow like you have. Yer thoughts are coming out of dispair. Think though about how that could turn around in a moment, when you get the letter saying you’ve been approved, and furthermore yer getting a huge Retro check. Thats very highly likely to happen, please try to let some part of you believe that. Because it’s true! > The v.a will have to take me in. > I could barely write one of my last checks yesterday to pay electric so > I can stay on line until court. > I drank about seven..maybe six times in the last two months in order to > stop my heart attack or to prevent damage to my heart muscle fromthe > anxiety. Doc told me the anxiety can damage my heart. > I have a choice. Drink or die.

Can’t yer doc give you some Xanax, or some Buspar for the anxiety? Or anything? I told my doc the same thing, that I didn’t want to drink but had no choice. Had to say it a few times for him to get how seriously I meant it. But he gave me Buspar for the long term, (which worked well), and some Xanax for occasional use. > I’m scared that the purely childish grafitti I wrote inside the flood > culvert down at the creek miles from the nearest house…which has > turned out to be "criminal mischief" and could bear  months and a > thousand dollard fine will put me in jail.

Can’t promise you this, but that kind of stuff is almost always dismissed before it ever goes to court. Even if it does go to court, (which it almost certainly won’t) You just tell the judge about yer mental and financial condition, and say it’s never happened before, and never will again, and the judge will dismiss it. The worst that could happen is Community Service, and even that would likely get dismissed cause of your mental condition, which makes it so you can’t do it. The 1000 dollar fine and prison thing is just there to scare people from doing it. The only way it would be imposed is if you did graphiti allot and wouldn’t stop. > Nothing….from the trouble with the landlord (there are still no > permits issued for demolition or construcion) or the trouble with social > security..or the amazing seven referrals to get anxiety medication…or > the state investigators chaining me to a bench for hours and > interrogating me for supposedly cutting swastica ito the cornfields( > while my closestfriend who lived here with me for three years until ther > eviction was a black skinned african from the Ubo ethnic group . > What can I make of these circumstaces???

You’ve just been hit with an emotionally devistating blow, and yer thinking of all the worst things possible. When you are really on the edge of a cliff, everything seems to be trying to push you over. Just hold on… > It is as if the society itself as turned against me. > As if…… > Damo

As if…. The bad thing is that untill your luck turns around, you can’t see the good change coming. Yer in hell, then, it may be a few weeks or a month, but then suddenly Hell falls away, and your ok. Even happy, maybe… Please just hold on, and keep hope, even if it’s just a little hope. The Angels are on their way, in fact I think they’re there already. SP

Response:

Rainbow Anna…. let me rant… So as the others have found teir way out.all six of them slowly over the months I have felt a certan psition being as I am by far the logest resident having lived here since January of 1985. Felt like a sheppard in a way but thats purely personal illusion no reality in truth. Now the last on is in a welfare motel gettingset up with county assisstance programs and I am literally…in fact…hiding in the earby woods as state helicopters circled the farm three times one day. "If we see another swastika in the cornfield I know just who to come see!" Sate interrogator told me as we were saying good by. Hiding with this little beagle thirteen years old about who belongs to the roomie at the welfare motel but with whom I have spent much time and who slept in my bed with me since my return from central america back in January of 98. I don’t want to kill the dog. I want her owner to find a place so the beagle can live. Being awoken with cop flashlites in my eyes a while ago has driven me to less violated ground under the trees. I would rather be here in the country side wshing i the stream then in any other situation for the summer months. My friends and family are agast that I’m not trying to hel myself..that means signng up for welfare and being put n a work program and getting 140 dollars a month with foodstamps. Yeah…right. While I turn away scrappers and vandals who would ravish my remaining belongings and destroy the remote and isolated farmhouse. And kill the dog…..it would mean the dog would have to die. I have no means of resisting whe irrationality is accepted by everyone who is society intergrated and these arbirary screws are slowly and methodically being tightened. Just bad luck of corse I don’t think it’s orchestrated. It just looks that way. It’s as if it were that way but of course you and I know not to say we really think that. And nothing I can say or do changes anything at all. Evicted right before Memorial day weekend….you know honor the veteran…..arranreined on D-Day….refused my benefitson the Fourth of July. God bless america. I’ll never get over this,rainbow. I’ll always remember this. My beer usage has triggered a few more desertions from my last stand too. Pray….before "they" scar their soul ireparibly. Damodara

Response:

if **i** lived in your town i would be trying to call the local newspapers and telling them that a disabled veteran is being kept homeless for possibly  ten months because of a *clerical* error from ten years ago, and giving him no other option than being institutionalized to recieve his meds……… i think thats kinda disgraceful………… that is totally against your human rights. you should be given benefits -while- they figure it out. its just, totally makes america look stupid. oh well. not the first time. rrrrrrrr — —————————– "This isn’t right.  This isn’t even wrong."              – Wolfgang Pauli "blessed am i to dwell in this beautiful temple" ~~~~~~~~~ rainbows ~~~~~~~~~~

Response:

Yeah well inspite of the doctor agreeing I deserve my social security benefits I was denied….yesterday in the mail. Something about if I was compliant and didn’t abuse substances. ??????? Nedless to say this has squashed my life like a bug. I have been reduced from living n a beutiful old farmhouse and acting independently within my own life to only a ody carrying my clothes in a backpack. I’m going to appeal of corse. My lawyer was flabbergasted saying it should have been a rubber stamp approval being as I’d been on dissability for about 27 years. She told me it had to do with my history of substance and alcohol abuse. I have no idea what the hell is going on. I ave never had a "drug" problem and can’t recall the last time I smoked marijuana. I hadn’t had a drink in over eleven years until just recently. I’m taking a little beer now and then to deal with the anxiety of this slow destruction ofmy material and social circumstances in my life. I have literally no direction to my life. I can’t just turn around in my life story and forget all context ad start going to daycare so I can get a job and all. The idea of just going forward with lving without out emotional context of one step to the next is so far beyond me. I can barely move at all. I’m going to try to hold out until my court date in the beginning of august and then run to the V.A. hospital and commit myself. It’s a majr effort for me to even sit and eat. I am totally broken and without any kind of living spirit. My life has no context anymore. A fish out of water. I plan to get to the hospital and lie until I die. I almost need someone to feed me now. I’ll lose all the stuff in storage in a shortwhile. With out the disability check. I’ll only have…well..a bag at my feet. Ihave totall lost everything inmy life that has provided me with any kind of context. Socialy..materially….all the heirlooms in storage..everything will go before I hear from them concerning my appeal that they agree with the doctor who volunteered his opinion to me as I was leaving his office to reassure me. Pray for me. I guess I’ll live on drugs at the veterans hospital. I’m notexzaggerating I can’t…no one could..lose all context and purpose that we instill ino our lives and be expected to be like a robot with a new software program and take jb conselling and become a contributing member to society..as if I havn’t contributed to society. No..my struggle is over. I lost to the irrationality. The v.a will have to take me in. I could barely write one of my last checks yesterday to pay electric so I can stay on line until court. I drank about seven..maybe six times in the last two months in order to stop my heart attack or to prevent damage to my heart muscle fromthe anxiety. Doc told me the anxiety can damage my heart. I have a choice. Drink or die. I’m scared that the purely childish grafitti I wrote inside the flood culvert down at the creek miles from the nearest house…which has turned out to be "criminal mischief" and could bear  months and a thousand dollard fine will put me in jail. Nothing….from the trouble with the landlord (there are still no permits issued for demolition or construcion) or the trouble with social security..or the amazing seven referrals to get anxiety medication…or the state investigators chaining me to a bench for hours and interrogating me for supposedly cutting swastica ito the cornfields( while my closestfriend who lived here with me for three years until ther eviction was a black skinned african from the Ubo ethnic group . What can I make of these circumstaces??? It is as if the society itself as turned against me. As if…… Damo

Response:

Filed under: Human Rights

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