my p-doc hit on me

Question:

"You have a really hot body" is an inappropriate comment for a pdoc to make to a client, regardless of the genders involved or clothing worn.

Thank you AW. I could not believe that what she was wearing was even a factor in whether or not what the doctor said was inappropriate. This is not 1950. It’s not really as "Ok" as it was to blame everything on women these days. The fact that she was wearing a tank top and shorts does not place the responsibility of what came out of HIS mouth on her. And that whole boys will be boys BS translated as "Men are just like that and women take it the wrong way" is yet another method of placing the responsibility on the woman. Suddenly it’s not that what he said was inappropriate..it’s that She took it wrong. Spare me. If he had thought she looked warm he could have used about a few thousand other words to describe it. Now this isn’t some feminist rant…This comes down to an issue of accountability. The point is: HE is accountable for what came out of HIS mouth. End of story. There were hundreds of other choices he could have made in that situation, but he did not. The consequences are his to pay. It’s a shame that happened. Too bad humans can’t just treat eachother like humans (as in with humanity). If you are uncomfortable, find another doc. If you think you can work something out with him then that’s up to you. I wish you the best of luck with that…and feel for you. There’s nothing worse than when people belittle you to nothing more than pieces of flesh for their viewing pleasure….and then to have to defend yourself against taking offence…this world…amazes me. Best of luck, Ketch

Response:

I’d be flattered if my psychiatrist said that to me. I can only wish. I think though, that patients have just as much responsibility for making sure that things don’t go over the mark as the psychiatrist and you weren’t behaving in a mature or responsible manner with the clothes that you were wearing. There is a sense of self worth to be gained from being responsible yourself. I would still tell him that you didn’t like what he said, but I think that it is a bit extreme to see an attorney (to sue over anything is very American and increases the costs of everything as that money essentially has to be paid by you and me in increased bills) Linda — You are good when you walk to your goal firmly and with bold steps. "Yet you are not evil when you go thither limping. Even those who limp go not backward. But you who are strong and swift, see that you do not limp before the lame, deeming it kindness." -The Propet – Kahlil Gibran – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Last week I wore a tank top and shorts to see my p-doc. His exact words to me, after looking me up and down, were "You have a really hot body". I hear things like that a lot lately, but I think he stepped over the line and now I’m really depressed and only want to leave the house if I’m wearing clothes that are 4 sizes too big. My M.D. said I should turn him in, but I’m thinking about consulting an attorney. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

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what do you where when you work out of your home and it’s 93? I wore what I put on in the morning. I personally don’t think I look all that great because my muscles are too big.

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for your information I am 34 years old, been married for 10 years, and do not dress like you suggested. i have blonde hair, blue eyes, and am shapely. That is not my fault.

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first class lawsuit abuse. look i realize you probably have self esteem problems but it was a compliment, retard. i’d hate to be around someone that would sue me if i complimented their looks.

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Last week I wore a tank top and shorts to see my p-doc. His exact words to me, after looking me up and down, were "You have a really hot body". I hear things like that a lot lately, but I think he stepped over the line and now I’m really depressed and only want to leave the house if I’m wearing clothes that are 4 sizes too big. My M.D. said I should turn him in, but I’m thinking about consulting an attorney. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

Response:

The comment would be equally as offensive and inappropriate if the pdoc was a woman and the client was a man – the issue here is one of a relationship in which there is an asymmetry of power. The pdoc, like all doctors, is governed by a code of ethics, which includes treating clients with respect and dignity. A comment such as the one made by this pdoc demonstrates neither of these. Lisa – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Last week I wore a tank top and shorts to see my p-doc. His exact words to me, after looking me up and down, were "You have a really hot body". I hear things like that a lot lately, but I think he stepped over the line and now I’m really depressed and only want to leave the house if I’m wearing clothes that are 4 sizes too big. My M.D. said I should turn him in, but I’m thinking about consulting an attorney. Any thoughts would be appreciated. I wonder what the consensus about this Pdocs behavior would be if the genders were simply reversed. Just curious. Vern

Response:

My M.D. said I should turn him in,

Right there, this, from another doctor intimately aware of the rules, ethics and regulations placed on doctors has advised that you turn him in. Doctors do not say this lightly about other doctors. Do not doubt yourself or the incident or the gravity of same. Turn him in. Do it. Then, if you want, talk to an attorney. The consultation should be free, especially if you address a large firm with a dept specializing in this. Good luck. PS: One evening I had to go to a black tie media awards thing right after my 6pm appointment with my doctor, so I had to go to the appointment dressed for the award thing. The dress was fabulous – black velvert strapless to the floo r with a side slit and a great pair of elegant heels, excellent make-up, etc., you get the idea. It was over the top, but I had no choice because scheduling was so tight. I walked into the doc’s office as usual and sat down. My doc smiled and said "You should feel really good about how you were able to rise to the occasion and pull everything together for the ceremony tonight. How did you feel about all the work that went into preparing? Are you looking forward to this evening, etc. Is it comfortable for you? In other words, he acknowledged the oddest and arguably one of the sexier, attractive outfits that came into his office in a thoroughly professional manner and with professional interest – he knew I was depressed and was neglecting myself and that it would obviously be an overwhelming job for me to pull this off and THAT’s where his interest was. The fact that I was able to turn myself (who couldn’t get out of pajamas for two weeks) into a perfectly presentable black-tie guest was his concern, and he was clearly pleased at the progress, and I appreciated it greatly. Still do. This is the kind of doctor you need – NOT someone who makes you uncomfortable on any level. You deserve that. We all do. Call your state’s APA and find one. Good luck.

Response:

<snippage Straight men, who are not swimmers, really shouldn’t wear Speedos. Not to elicit the "your body is hot" response from women, anyway. It’s all opinion, vern. Dear JMC (is that a farm implement) You really cut me deep with

that zinger, you are reaching deep into the bag to be bringing up "straight" men. Has this become a bash the gays thing now ? Isn’t everyone so sensitive about "their" opinion? Vern

Response:

Vern (juris amici ?) yields to my learned colleague very learned and knowledgeable Viscount 11.

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Gee, it sounds like you two are a mismatch. Sorry to spoil the fun everyone, but I’ve said it before and I’m saying it in this instance– this is a phony post. "M.D." told you to turn him in–LMAO– wonder where you’re from? (M.D. must be a J.D. on the side). Consulting an attorney, are you? Ummmm, got any supporting evidence? Four sizes too big–yeah, that sounds about right. People remark about your body "lately"–so your psychiatrist’s comment must’ve left you terribly traumatized, depressed and withdrawn–even litigious, right? Wrong–case closed!! Next? Viscount Last week I wore a tank top and shorts to see my p-doc. His exact words to me, after looking me up and down, were "You have a really hot body". I hear things like that a lot lately, but I think he stepped over the line and now I’m really depressed and only want to leave the house if I’m wearing clothes that are 4 sizes too big. My M.D. said I should turn him in, but I’m thinking about consulting an attorney. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

Response:

Dear GMC: I think your "wings" have given you altitude sickness. Vern

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Dear GMC: I think your "wings" have given you altitude sickness. Vern Dear GMC: Are you a rapid cycler?

Vern

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Dear GMC: I think your "wings" have given you altitude sickness. Vern Dear GMC: Are you a rapid cycler? Vern

Dear GMC: Here kitty kitty, come and get it. Vern – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text –

Response:

Gee, it sounds like you two are a mismatch. Sorry to spoil the fun everyone, but I’ve said it before and I’m saying it in this instance– this is a phony post. "M.D." told you to turn him in–LMAO– wonder where you’re from? (M.D. must be a J.D. on the side). Consulting an attorney, are you? Ummmm, got any supporting evidence? Four sizes too big–yeah, that sounds about right. People remark about your body "lately"–so your psychiatrist’s comment must’ve left you terribly traumatized, depressed and withdrawn–even litigious, right? Wrong–case closed!! Next? Viscount – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Last week I wore a tank top and shorts to see my p-doc. His exact words to me, after looking me up and down, were "You have a really hot body". I hear things like that a lot lately, but I think he stepped over the line and now I’m really depressed and only want to leave the house if I’m wearing clothes that are 4 sizes too big. My M.D. said I should turn him in, but I’m thinking about consulting an attorney. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

Response:

<snippage There is a thing in therapy that some times happens, its called transference, where the patient develops a very strong emotional bond to the therapist. <snippage

And vice versa, therapist for the patient An innocent remark "like your body is hot" <snippage

when I think of the word don’t think innocent. Its all opinion folks. My appointment happens to be tomorrow, think I will wear a Speedo, sandals and bare chest. My Pdoc who happens to be a swell lady, will probably call security.

Straight men, who are not swimmers, really shouldn’t wear Speedos. Not to elicit the "your body is hot" response from women, anyway. It’s all opinion, vern.

Response:

<snippage Dear JMC (is that a farm implement) …..are you serious? You really cut me deep with hope you are joking you are reaching deep into the bag to be bringing up

that? Women, generally find speedos not too attractive and sometimes one of those reasons to giggle–when men wearing them, show every appearance of strutting for the females. Has this become a bash the gays thing now ?

enjoyed the topic with.

wouldn’t think so. regards, julie (aka: uh, farm implement) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Vern

Response:

Last week I wore a tank top and shorts to see my p-doc. His exact words to me, after looking me up and down, were "You have a really hot body". I hear things like that a lot lately,

incident were Pmsadl and her Pdoc. All the rest of us are just expressing our opinions and bias. My bias, I am a male. I can easily imagine a tank top without bra, shorts with cheek showing. There is a thing in therapy that some times happens, its called transference, where the patient develops a very strong emotional bond to the therapist. In that situation it is possible to knowingly or unknowingly send "signals" to the therapist. Tank top and shorts, sounds like a hot day, perhaps our "victim" is sweating. An innocent remark "like your body is hot" is interpreted to mean: "take off the rest of your scanty clothes and lets go for a roll on my sofa" Its all opinion folks. My appointment happens to be tomorrow, think I will wear a Speedo, sandals and bare chest. My Pdoc who happens to be a swell lady, will probably call security. How often do you hear things like that? Is it voices?

Response:

I know I am going to sound like a mother BUT….. Why did you dress for a suntan to go to a Professional’s Office ???? I believe people should take Responsibility for thier own actions. I think the Pdoc thought you were sending him a message by the way you were dressed. ( he sounds like a dork ) I wouldn’t make a federal case out of your mistake, and I wish the world WOULD STOP SKEWERING men for being Men… I have to agree he probably thought you would be flattered. MEN say what they mean,,,, They don’t play "games" If he said " I like what I see show me more" than you have a leg to stand on. Bring it up at your next session. Or if you are nervous, telephone him and ask if he would clearify what he meant. Tell him how it made you feel. You will probably establish better communications. Worst case- he likes you, you can get another shrink, and Date him ! Sitting around speculating will blow this way out of proportion !!! Take Charge Woman !!!! Hummingbrd

Response:

"You have a really hot body" is an inappropriate comment for a pdoc to make to a client, regardless of the genders involved or clothing worn. A lawsuit would not get you anywhere, but he might be professionally disciplined by an ethics board or by a supervisor if he has an employer. I agree with your MD – report him. Since your MD suggested it, ask him where to file the report. Either find another pdoc, or confront this one assertively and ask that he acknowledge he acted inappropriately. — For info about this service, see http://www.twwells.com/anon/ or e-mail:

Response:

IMHO: You did nothing wrong. He did something extremely over the line. Clothing has nothing to do with the situation—–sounds like a few of you in this group hold with the old ways of—–hey if you wear something alittle sexy or cute and you have a nice body expect sexual harassment or harm. SHIT that pissed me off. Anyway—–you need to find a new doctor and contact an attorney—–about 101 people have told you this already but I will add my pennies for what they are worth. OH BTW—–to the idiot/idiots that said maybe he was trying to ah duh ah like ah duh raise YOUR ESTEEM or like maybe you are manic and being overly sensitive. SHIT again I have no WORDS to describe the stupidity in those few brief (thank God) sentences. UGH—-people. Back to the cave for me, hubby awaits with fresh deer and weeds for our supper. After supper he gets to drag me around by hair and we draw pictures on wall. Me like my cave and my cavemans. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Becky

Response:

THE CLOTHING YOU WORE WAS NOT PROPER TO GO TO A SESSION IN MY HUMBLE OPINION. HOWEVER WHAT THAT JERK SAID WAS COMPLETELY OUT OF LINE AND I TOTALLY BELIEVE YOU SHOULD COMPLAIN ABOUT THIS MENACE BEFORE HE DOES THIS TO SOMOEONE MORE VULNERALBE THAN YOU. SEE IF YOUR DOCTOR CAN HELP YOU OUT IN THIS. THE QUICKER AD FASTER ITS DONE THE BETTER. GOOD LUCK TO YOU.

Response:

Last week I wore a tank top and shorts to see my p-doc. His exact words to me, after looking me up and down, were "You have a really hot body". I hear things like that a lot lately, but I think he stepped over the line and now I’m really depressed and only want to leave the house if I’m wearing clothes that are 4 sizes too big. My M.D. said I should turn him in, but I’m thinking about consulting an attorney. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

I wonder what the consensus about this Pdocs behavior would be if the genders were simply reversed. Just curious. Vern

Response:

I wonder what the consensus about this Pdocs behavior would be if the genders were simply reversed. Just curious. Vern

If a female PDoc came on to a man, I don’t think this newsgroups would have ever heard about it. If a female therapist had come on to me, I would have been flattered, and that would have been the end of it. (Of course, those who have seen my picture, know that no one is ever doing to tell me I have a hot body, unless I have a fevers.) Women look at things a lot differently than men do. This is not a criticism, just a statement of fact. Ralph

Response:

sizes too big. My M.D. said I should turn him in, but I’m thinking about consulting an attorney. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

It could be that he was just trying to raise your esteem by telling you something he figured all young (or even old) women like to hear. Nonetheless, I think turning him in and consulting a lawyer is a good idea. — –Qliphoth Evilbastard * Listowner, Esoteric-Emotions (http://www.onelist.com/subscribe.cgi/esoteric-emotions) "The ability to speak does not make you intelligent…" (Qui-Gon Jinn)

Response:

If you are positive that he said those words (I bring this up, because you added "I hear things like that a lot lately…."—–and this sounds a bit manic), I think HE needs therapy. You will definitely need another pdoc. Yuck! regards, julie p.s. I used to get similar remarks from doctors I worked with–well, not that crude and junior highish, and I either enjoyed the flirtation or told them to drop it. People who flirt stupidly, I feel should be forgiven or ignored but this is such a different and vulnerable professional relationship, what a pathetic creep he is. I am not big on suing for this one episode (maybe, he’s crazy-grin), but I think you should report it to a professional board. He;s a menace.

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