Activism Change

For guys: when you're not "allowed" to feel… :(

Question:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -"Darkfalz" <darkf…@algo.sys> wrote in message <news:3cdbe21c_1@news.iprimus.com.au>… > None of this post applies to women, since I’ve never got the impression they > ever have to feel like this. They can like whomever they want and nobody can > take it away from them. > But probably a lot of guys have dealt with the feeling that you can’t tell a > girl you like her largely because it would INSULT her (among other reasons, > like humiliating rejections). Because it might (gasp) make her feel bad > about herself… nevermind your feelings. > Nope, girls don’t get "flattered" anymore. They get angry and upset, and in > many cases, resentful, of you for liking them… unless you happen to > represent her notion of a perfect man. > A girl will be offended that you thought you were good enough to go out > with/like her, or in her terms, that you thought she was low quality enough > to go out with a guy like you. > No, I am not talking about supermodel types. I’m talking about very average > girls with fragile egos, who desperately want to believe that even though > they’re plain and can’t stick to a diet, that they can still get the same > kind of guy their prettier friends go out with, that kinds of guys they need > to prove their own self worth. The kind of girls who would be crushed if > they realised that they were actually at the same level of guys they deem > completely unconsiderable as boyfriends. > As it happens, I’m developing a crush (fighting it every inch of the way, > though) on a girl at school who’s not that pretty, and has a weight problem, > and wears glasses (although she’s too vain/shy to wear them except when she > really needs them, in class) but I just know she’d be so completely offended > and angry at me if I had the gaul to think that we might make a nice couple. > After all, there’s a hell of a lot of guys in my unit that are a hell of a > lot better looking than I am. > Anyway, I just wanted to say, I really hate that way of thinking. Why is a > guy only allowed to like you if he’s some gorgeous pinup boy, even when > you’re a frumpy and lumpy type? Why would you be insulted that a guy decided > to like you rather than someone prettier, just because he’s not your dream > guy? Because he thought that you were so unappealing to others that you > might actually go out with a loser like him? No… why not that he saw past > your plainess and wanted to give you a chance for you, and hoped that you > might do the same for him? > Why can’t women see guys the way they expect us (and mostly, the way they > get) to look at them, glossing over their flaws and focusing on their > pluses? > Sigh… all is lost. These days are dark. It’s time for the rapemen to rise > from the shadows and take justice through the only avenue still open. > Darkfalz > PS. Ignore that rapemen line if you like… it’s only intended for my "fans" > who get off on marvelling over my alleged psychopathy.

Why are you imagining what this girl is thinking, what she thinks of you, or how she would react?  That is mental masturbation.  It might feel good, but it doesn’t get any work done.

Response:

> None of this post applies to women, > since I’ve never got the impression they > ever have to feel like this. They can like > whomever they want and nobody can > take it away from them.

That is so not true. I would’ve been rejected for sure or laughed at if I would’ve liked any of the guys I went to middle school or high school with. They surely let me know that I was a dumb ugly uncool person enough times, to be fair though so did the females, maybe even more so. Actually one girl started a rumor one time that I liked this guy and he believed it and was pretty repulsed, and he let me know it. > But probably a lot of guys have dealt > with the feeling that you can’t tell a girl > you like her largely because it would > INSULT her (among other reasons, like > humiliating rejections). Because it might > (gasp) make her feel bad about > herself… nevermind your feelings.

Since you hate women so much, why do you even care if it insults her? The only way it could make her feel bad is if she feels like you’re doing it out of pity or as some kinda joke. > Nope, girls don’t get "flattered" > anymore. They get angry and upset, and > in many cases, resentful, of you for > liking them… unless you happen to > represent her notion of a perfect man.

Bullshit, I wouldn’t feel/act that way if a guy I didn’t like was attracted to me. > A girl will be offended that you thought > you were good enough to go out > with/like her, or in her terms, that you > thought she was low quality enough to > go out with a guy like you.

If you think of her as low quality she kinda has a right to be offended. > No, I am not talking about supermodel > types. I’m talking about very average > girls with fragile egos, who desperately > want to believe that even though they’re > plain and can’t stick to a diet, that they > can still get the same kind of guy their > prettier friends go out with, that kinds of > guys they need to prove their own self > worth. The kind of girls who would be > crushed if they realised that they were > actually at the same level of guys they > deem completely unconsiderable as > boyfriends.

Looks have nothing to do with being on the same level as someone. If in real life you act the same way you do here then the only women on your level are ones that are as bigoted as you. Maybe a feminist, or a racist. > As it happens, I’m developing a crush > (fighting it every inch of the way, > though) on a girl at school who’s not > that pretty, and has a weight problem, > and wears glasses (although she’s too > vain/shy to wear them except when she > really needs them, in class) but I just > know she’d be so completely offended > and angry at me if I had the gaul to think > that we might make a nice couple. After > all, there’s a hell of a lot of guys in my > unit that are a hell of a lot better looking > than I am.

And you know she’d be offended how? You looked into your crystal ball and saw the future? At least ask her out before you start saying stuff like that, then you can have the right to complain if she says no. If you’ve been rejected half as much as you make it seem another rejection can’t possibly make it that much worse in the long run. You probably won’t even remember it in 5 years. > Anyway, I just wanted to say, I really > hate that way of thinking. Why is a guy > only allowed to like you if he’s some > gorgeous pinup boy, even when you’re a > frumpy and lumpy type?

I know guys that are considered unattractive, and most of them had or have girlfriends. And no, they aren’t loaded with money. So obviously not all women are as shallow as you think they are. ——– People should just be themselves and quit conforming to what society wants.

Response:

"Wry Bread" <wrybr…@nwlink.REMOVEcom> wrote in message

news:udpleo9kmjp996@corp.supernews.com… > Darkfalz <darkf…@xis.com.au> wrote: > > Thanks for your input. I can’t see it as helping me any, and I think > you’re > > being a bit optomistic… but it’s something to think about. > Woah, the black mask comes off and there’s a human under there after all.

You say something like that every few days… I think we’ve established I am real person, with real feelings… some even good. But I do have an agenda and I don’t try to hide it… because getting it out there is important to me. Doesn’t mean I don’t keep an open mind when I genuinely find somebody giving real, valuable input.

Response:

<gra_…@webwombat.REMOVE.com.au> wrote in message

news:s1mpdu8isannhpvdcbipss8emvs3o4jc1c@4ax.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> On 10 May 2002 21:21:59 -0700, darkf…@xis.com.au (Darkfalz) wrote: > >> Why stop at thinking you might make a nice couple? > >> Why not just suggest marriage while you’re about it? > >Can’t a guy dream? > >> Ever thought of starting small with a little "Hi" and a smile? > >That’s what I mean. You can’t even say hi because she’d be insulted. > >Women assume any guy saying hello to them means they want to get them > >into bed, such is their conceit. > >> I don’t understand what all the fuss is > >> about. Girls react the same way to > >> guys as guys do to girls. > >Completely untrue. Guys have to live with so many social stigmas that > >it’s not even funny. > >> Think about it: you like those girls even > >> though they didn’t even greet you. Now why > >> would you want to go gushing over them > >> to make them like you? > >She’s never said hello to me. None of them ever do… so in that > >respect, they’re all the same. But I’ve heard her talk to others and > >she seems pretty nice. A small thing to base a non-physical attraction > >on, but I can’t go on how women treat me if the only time women even > >bother to say anything to me is to insult me out of a passing car. > >> Yes, I know you didn’t say you gush, but > >> you do. And that’s what they don’t like. > >They don’t even like me thinking about them, even when they don’t know > >it? How about that. > >Even though the vast majority of my crushes have never known I liked > >them, the few I was dumb enough to let find out treated me like a > >stalker, so that’s what I base what the others would do on. In any > >case, you appear to be advocating rejecting somebody because they like > >you. AH, so THAT’S why they all said no… it’s because I asked out > >people I actually LIKED. It’s all clear now. Here I was thinking it’s > >because they didn’t find me attractive or something. Of course not. > >Interesting angle, a pretty standard female maniupulative > >blame-the-victim mind fuck. My favourite is still "ignore a guy until > >he goes crazy from the psychologicl torture of wondering what he did, > >and then say you’re ignoring him because of that behaviour". > Geez, you talk the most pathetic whiny crap. The same garbage, over > and over. Some last advice: get some psychological counselling! > Now get back in my killfile.

And you took me out because…?

Response:

"Wry Bread" <wrybr…@nwlink.REMOVEcom> wrote in message

news:udplbt8ol06t5d@corp.supernews.com… > Darkfalz <darkf…@xis.com.au> wrote: > > Dude, it’s like we live parallel lives or something. Virtually everything > > there has happened to me with only minimal, superficial differences. > Scary isn’t it (to me anyway)? > If you would drop the rape bullshit, I would probably disagree with you less > often.

How often do I talk about rape, really? Aside from other people misquoting my "rape is justice" over and over every time they can’t think of a real point. I just feel women should answer for their cruel treatment of men, that’s all.

Response:

Darkfalz <darkf…@xis.com.au> wrote: > Dude, it’s like we live parallel lives or something. Virtually everything > there has happened to me with only minimal, superficial differences.

Scary isn’t it (to me anyway)? If you would drop the rape bullshit, I would probably disagree with you less often.

Response:

Darkfalz <darkf…@xis.com.au> wrote: > Thanks for your input. I can’t see it as helping me any, and I think you’re > being a bit optomistic… but it’s something to think about.

Woah, the black mask comes off and there’s a human under there after all.

Response:

On 10 May 2002 21:21:59 -0700, darkf…@xis.com.au (Darkfalz) wrote: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->> Why stop at thinking you might make a nice couple? >> Why not just suggest marriage while you’re about it? >Can’t a guy dream? >> Ever thought of starting small with a little "Hi" and a smile? >That’s what I mean. You can’t even say hi because she’d be insulted. >Women assume any guy saying hello to them means they want to get them >into bed, such is their conceit. >> I don’t understand what all the fuss is >> about. Girls react the same way to >> guys as guys do to girls. >Completely untrue. Guys have to live with so many social stigmas that >it’s not even funny. >> Think about it: you like those girls even >> though they didn’t even greet you. Now why >> would you want to go gushing over them >> to make them like you? >She’s never said hello to me. None of them ever do… so in that >respect, they’re all the same. But I’ve heard her talk to others and >she seems pretty nice. A small thing to base a non-physical attraction >on, but I can’t go on how women treat me if the only time women even >bother to say anything to me is to insult me out of a passing car. >> Yes, I know you didn’t say you gush, but >> you do. And that’s what they don’t like. >They don’t even like me thinking about them, even when they don’t know >it? How about that. >Even though the vast majority of my crushes have never known I liked >them, the few I was dumb enough to let find out treated me like a >stalker, so that’s what I base what the others would do on. In any >case, you appear to be advocating rejecting somebody because they like >you. AH, so THAT’S why they all said no… it’s because I asked out >people I actually LIKED. It’s all clear now. Here I was thinking it’s >because they didn’t find me attractive or something. Of course not. >Interesting angle, a pretty standard female maniupulative >blame-the-victim mind fuck. My favourite is still "ignore a guy until >he goes crazy from the psychologicl torture of wondering what he did, >and then say you’re ignoring him because of that behaviour".

Geez, you talk the most pathetic whiny crap. The same garbage, over and over. Some last advice: get some psychological counselling! Now get back in my killfile.

Response:

maddman <maddman…@yahoo.com> wrote: > Why are you imagining what this girl is thinking, what she thinks of > you, or how she would react?  That is mental masturbation.  It might > feel good, but it doesn’t get any work done.

Actually, it doesn’t feel good at all and it stops you from taking action. There’s a girl I’ve been talking to and trying to work up the nerve to ask out for a long time. I’m not scared of her saying no.  I’m scared of freaking her out and making her think I’m some kind pathetic sleazy freak (that’s what I really am, but that’s beside the point : )). I was going to try tonight, but I got screwed up by stupid people and missed her.  Probably for the best, would have made an ass of myself most likely.

Response:

"Wry Bread" <wrybr…@nwlink.REMOVEcom> wrote in message

news:udpjmhi82t9tbf@corp.supernews.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Darkfalz <darkf…@xis.com.au> wrote in message > news:1846066e.0205102021.412e687d@posting.google.com… > > > Why stop at thinking you might make a nice couple? > > > Why not just suggest marriage while you’re about it? > > Can’t a guy dream? > > > Ever thought of starting small with a little "Hi" and a smile? > > That’s what I mean. You can’t even say hi because she’d be insulted. > > Women assume any guy saying hello to them means they want to get them > > into bed, such is their conceit. > Yep.  I once said "hi" casually to a woman I kept seeing around the building > where I worked (she worked there too, on a different floor).  And one > morning, I told she left her headlights, which she had.  From this, she > somehow got the idea that I was "interested" in her (after all, how could I > *not* be?), so she began innocently mentioning her husband to her friends > when I was around in a totally obviously staged way. > Or, I kinda liked a girl and was trying to get friendly with one of her > co-workers to find out some minor information about her, but it backfired > because the girl I tried talking to assumed that I was interested in *her* > and suddenly stopped talking to me for fear that she would just "lead me on > more" when I never liked her anyway.  Ugh. > So yeah, if you’re attractive, you’re nice, friendly, and outgoing. > If not, you’re a sleazy creep trying to pick up on her. > It doesn’t matter what you say.  It’s how you look while saying it.

Dude, it’s like we live parallel lives or something. Virtually everything there has happened to me with only minimal, superficial differences.

Response:

"myshkin" <Randomthou…@nzoomail.com> wrote in message

news:Xns920BB9DB75C80praetoryahoonz@130.133.1.4… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> "Darkfalz" <darkf…@algo.sys> wrote in <3cdbe21…@news.iprimus.com.au>: > >But probably a lot of guys have dealt with the feeling that you can’t > >tell a girl you like her largely because it would INSULT her (among > >other reasons, like humiliating rejections). Because it might (gasp) > >make her feel bad about herself… nevermind your feelings. > >Nope, girls don’t get "flattered" anymore. They get angry and upset, and > >in many cases, resentful, of you for liking them… unless you happen to > >represent her notion of a perfect man. > >A girl will be offended that you thought you were good enough to go out > >with/like her, or in her terms, that you thought she was low quality > >enough to go out with a guy like you. > I know what you’re talking about – there have been girls who have taken > this approach with me, complained that I had dared to like them.  It is > only recently that I worked out what was happening, because the mother of > one such female explained it to me, and I have to say you are not far off > the mark.  This one girl, who I was trying to compliment but had no actual > intention of asking out, took it as that anyway – saw that just by saying I > liked her, it led to expectations on her part to like me back when all I > was trying to say was that she was great.  It explained a lot about what > happened to me back when I was your age, how there was a truckload of mis- > communication going on which I simply wasn’t experienced enough to pick up > on in terms of what girls thought I was saying – all that female intuition > can mean they "know" what you’re saying without paying the slightest bit of > attention to your actual words.  I have had women when I asked if they want > coffee respond with "I have commitments", others simply ignore the > question. > There are, however, three bits of good news in all of this: > 1 – Not all girls are like that.  There are a lot of decent females out > there even in their early twenties, late teens who will pay attention to > what you’re saying, won’t be too harsh in turning you down if that is what > they feel they have to do and, hell, there might even be the occasional one > who won’t say no. > 2 – As they grow up, a fair number actually develop a more compassionate > and understanding way of being, make some mistakes, learn what they thought > was necessary wasn’t so necessary, appreciate other qualities.  I haven’t > done a study to see if they outnumber the number of formerly decent females > who get all bitter and twisted as a result of experience but I seem to know > a lot more decent ones than those who’d spit in your face for showing > interest. > 3 – You yourself develop.  I used to get all twisted out of shape by > rejection, did take it as an insult and indication that I wasn’t good > enough (partly because those I crossed swords with have made it their > business to tell me so on occasion) but now I can see that I am actually a > sufficiently special person that any person who is going to treat me like > that simply is not worthy of my friendship or affection. > The number of my friends has increased in direct proportion to the > reduction in women who I would want to ask out, curiously enough. > I know you’ve had a hard time, haven’t stood up to the struggle too well, > run the risk of being bitter for a long time – which at the end of the day > will only harm you – but especially in the past few weeks, I have read a > lot of your posts which show your essential humanity.  I don’t know how > much of what you post here is gameplaying and how much is reflecting you, > but it certainly looks like you’re in a happier frame of mind and I am > happy for you. > >As it happens, I’m developing a crush (fighting it every inch of the > >way, though) on a girl at school who’s not that pretty, and has a weight > >problem, and wears glasses (although she’s too vain/shy to wear them > >except when she really needs them, in class) but I just know she’d be so > >completely offended and angry at me if I had the gaul to think that we > >might make a nice couple. After all, there’s a hell of a lot of guys in > >my unit that are a hell of a lot better looking than I am. > A couple of points here.  Try to get talking to her before you get caught > up in the crush, while you’re still just a guy talking to a girl rather > than having her be _the_ girl you have hopes pinned on.  That changes your > behaviour unbelievably.  Second, until you’ve actually talked and worked > out some stuff – like whether you have interests and amusements in common – > don’t even be thinking about being a couple or even necessarily friends – > going in with that kind of expectation or hope can put so much pressure on > a situation. > I can kind of understand how someone might get angry if a stranger came > into their life, with it already worked out that he wanted her as part of a > couple.  I had exactly the same thing happen to me: the mother I mentioned > above, after hanging out with me and her daughter for a while and never > having any kind of just her and me time, decided that she wanted to be in a > relationship with me, told me she’d told her family she was, that she was > failing her exams out of worries that I didn’t/wouldn’t like her.  I tried > hard to just be compassionate and recognise she was in a difficult place > but at the end of the day, I was pretty pissed that she, without knowing > anything about the complex being that I am, had got to that position. > So, the moral of the story is that the more you are able to get to know her > as a person before you make decisions about your future together, the > better all round it will be.  And that works in reverse – the more she can > see of you as a person (not the wannabe killer rapist persona you play at > being here) but just an ordinary guy with your own features, then the > better it will be.  It may work out that you do become an item, or that you > become friends or, if nothing like that happens, if you’ve both been > authentic, it is easier to accept when it doesn’t work out. > >Anyway, I just wanted to say, I really hate that way of thinking. Why is > >a guy only allowed to like you if he’s some gorgeous pinup boy, even > >when you’re a frumpy and lumpy type? > It doesn’t always work this way.  I am certainly no pinup boy and have the > double whammy of age against me, but because I have learnt and grown from > my experiences, I have found it perfectly possible to communicate even love > to beautiful women and have them continue to be in my life – hell, one was > even seriously contemplating taking me on, according to her friends. > >Why would you be insulted that a guy decided to like you rather than > >someone prettier, just because he’s not your dream guy? > Can I mention the media?  It plays a part in creating all sorts of > pressures – in terms of what a significant other ought to look like, in > terms of focussing on the surface and immediate gratification, in terms of > what we ourself ought to look like.  If we manage to catch the kind of guy > held up by the media to be "it" then we must be "it" as well – and when > you’re young, this can be a very important factor. > >Why can’t women see guys the way they expect us (and mostly, the way > >they get) to look at them, glossing over their flaws and focusing on > >their pluses? > It is the nature of humanity I fear to do this, to see the minor > differences and not notice the major similarities, to not have regard to > the substance of a person. > >Sigh… all is lost. > Others have criticised, I know, but I think this was a good post.

Thanks for your input. I can’t see it as helping me any, and I think you’re being a bit optomistic… but it’s something to think about.

Response:

meg <megmerr…@hotmail.com> wrote: > You seem to take rejection really personally.. don’t.  Seriously.. > analyze your behavior, look for anything that might have been interpreted > as creepy or offensive, and learn from your mistakes.  But if you feel > like you’re being treated as a stalker just for being yourself and being > friendly, those girls are obviously not compatible with your personality. > Move on and find someone else.

That’s because rejection *is* personal.  I like myself, and know what a great guy I am, so it seriously pisses me off when people reject me just based on my appearance. > None of this advice is worth anything, by the way, I’m just making shit > up as I go along.

We know. : P

Response:

Darkfalz <darkf…@xis.com.au> wrote in message

news:1846066e.0205102021.412e687d@posting.google.com… > > Why stop at thinking you might make a nice couple? > > Why not just suggest marriage while you’re about it? > Can’t a guy dream? > > Ever thought of starting small with a little "Hi" and a smile? > That’s what I mean. You can’t even say hi because she’d be insulted. > Women assume any guy saying hello to them means they want to get them > into bed, such is their conceit.

Yep.  I once said "hi" casually to a woman I kept seeing around the building where I worked (she worked there too, on a different floor).  And one morning, I told she left her headlights, which she had.  From this, she somehow got the idea that I was "interested" in her (after all, how could I *not* be?), so she began innocently mentioning her husband to her friends when I was around in a totally obviously staged way. Or, I kinda liked a girl and was trying to get friendly with one of her co-workers to find out some minor information about her, but it backfired because the girl I tried talking to assumed that I was interested in *her* and suddenly stopped talking to me for fear that she would just "lead me on more" when I never liked her anyway.  Ugh. So yeah, if you’re attractive, you’re nice, friendly, and outgoing. If not, you’re a sleazy creep trying to pick up on her. It doesn’t matter what you say.  It’s how you look while saying it.

Response:

"meg" <megmerr…@hotmail.com> wrote in message

news:Xns920AF0502ECF1megmerritthotmailcom@130.133.1.4… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> darkf…@xis.com.au (Darkfalz) wrote in > news:1846066e.0205102021.412e687d@posting.google.com: > >> Why stop at thinking you might make a nice couple? > >> Why not just suggest marriage while you’re about it? > > Can’t a guy dream? > >> Ever thought of starting small with a little "Hi" and a smile? > > That’s what I mean. You can’t even say hi because she’d be insulted. > > Women assume any guy saying hello to them means they want to get them > > into bed, such is their conceit. > Who are these girls? I don’t think "hi" is a big deal, unless you happen > to be thrusting your groin or clutching a handful of condoms at the same > time.

Girls my age. > > Completely untrue. Guys have to live with so many social stigmas that > > it’s not even funny. > So do girls.  Just different ones.

And relatively harmless ones, or self-imposed ones. > > She’s never said hello to me. None of them ever do… so in that > > respect, they’re all the same. But I’ve heard her talk to others and > > she seems pretty nice. A small thing to base a non-physical attraction > > on, but I can’t go on how women treat me if the only time women even > > bother to say anything to me is to insult me out of a passing car. > Have you tried saying hello to -her-? You’ll take the chance that she’ll

I wouldn’t be that presumptuous. > think you’re a stalker for expressing interest (though I doubt that), but > you’ll also take the chance that she’ll say hi back.

I’d rather not put myself (or her) in that position. I’d rather not have rumours about me spread. > Do you have any female friends? If yes, try to get to know them a bit

Not anymore. > better.. a guy with female friends comes off as less of a creep, unless > he acts effeminite (in which case he comes off as gay).  If no, work on > that before you try dating them.. is there something you can get involved > in where you live where you could get to know some girls in a non- > threatening environment? > I’d suggest volunteer work, but I’m sure you’d laugh at that.. do you > have any interests outside of your Rape is Justice Manifesto?

I’d like to support young teenager boys who are being bullied and losing confidence, before they turn suicidal in a few years time. > > They don’t even like me thinking about them, even when they don’t know > > it? How about that. > How do you know? Some girls, maybe.  Other girls, not.  You won’t know > which unless you try.

I know. All the same. > You seem to take rejection really personally.. don’t.  Seriously..

They are rejecting ME. Even when they say it’s because they’re not interested in getting into a relationship right now, that excuse goes out the window when they meet and start dating some other guy a week later. > analyze your behavior, look for anything that might have been interpreted > as creepy or offensive, and learn from your mistakes.  But if you feel > like you’re being treated as a stalker just for being yourself and being > friendly, those girls are obviously not compatible with your personality. > Move on and find someone else.

Me standing still minding my business might be interpreted by lots of women as creepy or defensive. That’s not something I can help. > None of this advice is worth anything, by the way, I’m just making shit > up as I go along.

I noticed.

Response:

"Darkfalz" <darkf…@algo.sys> wrote in <3cdbe21…@news.iprimus.com.au>: >But probably a lot of guys have dealt with the feeling that you can’t >tell a girl you like her largely because it would INSULT her (among >other reasons, like humiliating rejections). Because it might (gasp) >make her feel bad about herself… nevermind your feelings. >Nope, girls don’t get "flattered" anymore. They get angry and upset, and >in many cases, resentful, of you for liking them… unless you happen to >represent her notion of a perfect man. >A girl will be offended that you thought you were good enough to go out >with/like her, or in her terms, that you thought she was low quality >enough to go out with a guy like you.

I know what you’re talking about – there have been girls who have taken this approach with me, complained that I had dared to like them.  It is only recently that I worked out what was happening, because the mother of one such female explained it to me, and I have to say you are not far off the mark.  This one girl, who I was trying to compliment but had no actual intention of asking out, took it as that anyway – saw that just by saying I liked her, it led to expectations on her part to like me back when all I was trying to say was that she was great.  It explained a lot about what happened to me back when I was your age, how there was a truckload of mis- communication going on which I simply wasn’t experienced enough to pick up on in terms of what girls thought I was saying – all that female intuition can mean they "know" what you’re saying without paying the slightest bit of attention to your actual words.  I have had women when I asked if they want coffee respond with "I have commitments", others simply ignore the question. There are, however, three bits of good news in all of this: 1 – Not all girls are like that.  There are a lot of decent females out there even in their early twenties, late teens who will pay attention to what you’re saying, won’t be too harsh in turning you down if that is what they feel they have to do and, hell, there might even be the occasional one who won’t say no. 2 – As they grow up, a fair number actually develop a more compassionate and understanding way of being, make some mistakes, learn what they thought was necessary wasn’t so necessary, appreciate other qualities.  I haven’t done a study to see if they outnumber the number of formerly decent females who get all bitter and twisted as a result of experience but I seem to know a lot more decent ones than those who’d spit in your face for showing interest. 3 – You yourself develop.  I used to get all twisted out of shape by rejection, did take it as an insult and indication that I wasn’t good enough (partly because those I crossed swords with have made it their business to tell me so on occasion) but now I can see that I am actually a sufficiently special person that any person who is going to treat me like that simply is not worthy of my friendship or affection. The number of my friends has increased in direct proportion to the reduction in women who I would want to ask out, curiously enough. I know you’ve had a hard time, haven’t stood up to the struggle too well, run the risk of being bitter for a long time – which at the end of the day will only harm you – but especially in the past few weeks, I have read a lot of your posts which show your essential humanity.  I don’t know how much of what you post here is gameplaying and how much is reflecting you, but it certainly looks like you’re in a happier frame of mind and I am happy for you. >As it happens, I’m developing a crush (fighting it every inch of the >way, though) on a girl at school who’s not that pretty, and has a weight >problem, and wears glasses (although she’s too vain/shy to wear them >except when she really needs them, in class) but I just know she’d be so >completely offended and angry at me if I had the gaul to think that we >might make a nice couple. After all, there’s a hell of a lot of guys in >my unit that are a hell of a lot better looking than I am.

A couple of points here.  Try to get talking to her before you get caught up in the crush, while you’re still just a guy talking to a girl rather than having her be _the_ girl you have hopes pinned on.  That changes your behaviour unbelievably.  Second, until you’ve actually talked and worked out some stuff – like whether you have interests and amusements in common – don’t even be thinking about being a couple or even necessarily friends – going in with that kind of expectation or hope can put so much pressure on a situation. I can kind of understand how someone might get angry if a stranger came into their life, with it already worked out that he wanted her as part of a couple.  I had exactly the same thing happen to me: the mother I mentioned above, after hanging out with me and her daughter for a while and never having any kind of just her and me time, decided that she wanted to be in a relationship with me, told me she’d told her family she was, that she was failing her exams out of worries that I didn’t/wouldn’t like her.  I tried hard to just be compassionate and recognise she was in a difficult place but at the end of the day, I was pretty pissed that she, without knowing anything about the complex being that I am, had got to that position. So, the moral of the story is that the more you are able to get to know her as a person before you make decisions about your future together, the better all round it will be.  And that works in reverse – the more she can see of you as a person (not the wannabe killer rapist persona you play at being here) but just an ordinary guy with your own features, then the better it will be.  It may work out that you do become an item, or that you become friends or, if nothing like that happens, if you’ve both been authentic, it is easier to accept when it doesn’t work out.   >Anyway, I just wanted to say, I really hate that way of thinking. Why is >a guy only allowed to like you if he’s some gorgeous pinup boy, even >when you’re a frumpy and lumpy type?

It doesn’t always work this way.  I am certainly no pinup boy and have the double whammy of age against me, but because I have learnt and grown from my experiences, I have found it perfectly possible to communicate even love to beautiful women and have them continue to be in my life – hell, one was even seriously contemplating taking me on, according to her friends. >Why would you be insulted that a guy decided to like you rather than >someone prettier, just because he’s not your dream guy?

Can I mention the media?  It plays a part in creating all sorts of pressures – in terms of what a significant other ought to look like, in terms of focussing on the surface and immediate gratification, in terms of what we ourself ought to look like.  If we manage to catch the kind of guy held up by the media to be "it" then we must be "it" as well – and when you’re young, this can be a very important factor. >Why can’t women see guys the way they expect us (and mostly, the way >they get) to look at them, glossing over their flaws and focusing on >their pluses?

It is the nature of humanity I fear to do this, to see the minor differences and not notice the major similarities, to not have regard to the substance of a person. >Sigh… all is lost.

Others have criticised, I know, but I think this was a good post.

Response:

darkf…@xis.com.au (Darkfalz) wrote in news:1846066e.0205102021.412e687d@posting.google.com: >> Why stop at thinking you might make a nice couple? >> Why not just suggest marriage while you’re about it? > Can’t a guy dream? >> Ever thought of starting small with a little "Hi" and a smile? > That’s what I mean. You can’t even say hi because she’d be insulted. > Women assume any guy saying hello to them means they want to get them > into bed, such is their conceit.

Who are these girls? I don’t think "hi" is a big deal, unless you happen to be thrusting your groin or clutching a handful of condoms at the same time. > Completely untrue. Guys have to live with so many social stigmas that > it’s not even funny.

So do girls.  Just different ones. > She’s never said hello to me. None of them ever do… so in that > respect, they’re all the same. But I’ve heard her talk to others and > she seems pretty nice. A small thing to base a non-physical attraction > on, but I can’t go on how women treat me if the only time women even > bother to say anything to me is to insult me out of a passing car.

Have you tried saying hello to -her-? You’ll take the chance that she’ll think you’re a stalker for expressing interest (though I doubt that), but you’ll also take the chance that she’ll say hi back.   Do you have any female friends? If yes, try to get to know them a bit better.. a guy with female friends comes off as less of a creep, unless he acts effeminite (in which case he comes off as gay).  If no, work on that before you try dating them.. is there something you can get involved in where you live where you could get to know some girls in a non- threatening environment? I’d suggest volunteer work, but I’m sure you’d laugh at that.. do you have any interests outside of your Rape is Justice Manifesto? > They don’t even like me thinking about them, even when they don’t know > it? How about that.

How do you know? Some girls, maybe.  Other girls, not.  You won’t know which unless you try. > Even though the vast majority of my crushes have never known I liked > them, the few I was dumb enough to let find out treated me like a > stalker, so that’s what I base what the others would do on. In any > case, you appear to be advocating rejecting somebody because they like > you. AH, so THAT’S why they all said no… it’s because I asked out > people I actually LIKED. It’s all clear now. Here I was thinking it’s > because they didn’t find me attractive or something. Of course not.

You seem to take rejection really personally.. don’t.  Seriously.. analyze your behavior, look for anything that might have been interpreted as creepy or offensive, and learn from your mistakes.  But if you feel like you’re being treated as a stalker just for being yourself and being friendly, those girls are obviously not compatible with your personality.   Move on and find someone else. None of this advice is worth anything, by the way, I’m just making shit up as I go along.

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Michaela wrote: > "Darkfalz" wrote > | > | As it happens, I’m developing a crush (fighting it every inch of the > | way, though) on a girl at school who’s not that pretty, and has a weight > problem, > | and wears glasses (although she’s too vain/shy to wear them except when > she > | really needs them, in class) but I just know she’d be so completely > offended > | and angry at me if I had the gaul to think that we might make a nice > couple. > Why stop at thinking you might make a nice couple? > Why not just suggest marriage while you’re about it? > Ever thought of starting small with a little "Hi" and a smile? > | Why can’t women see guys the way they expect us (and mostly, the way > | they get) to look at them, glossing over their flaws and focusing on > | their pluses? > I don’t understand what all the fuss is > about. Girls react the same way to > guys as guys do to girls. > Think about it: you like those girls even > though they didn’t even greet you. Now why > would you want to go gushing over them > to make them like you? > Yes, I know you didn’t say you gush, but > you do. And that’s what they don’t like.

I am really quite the opposite, I occasionally get hit on even though I allready have a girlfriend (and I was/still am a geek…). I myself just do the "basics", I comb my hair (usually flat), I take a shower a few times a week, and I generally don’t talk about my interests in public (as people seem to be scared off by me talking about programming…). I allready have a girlfriend and am not really interested in other females, yet I am still hit on occasionally. I usually talk in a mostly serious manner, and I don’t show any real interest/disapproval. usually they will get bored and go away anyways. for me my main intention is keeping things good with my girlfriend. what I would suggest (for someone like me): try talking calmly and logical, and don’t try to "pick" the females. don’t try to impress people either, or do things that draw attention. if anything try to downplay abilities, so you can look more normal, but not to the extent where you would look less than other people. also try to downplay linguistic abilities and use the more common vernacular (but not anything that would make you look stupid, ie: ebonics in my oppinion). try to avoid "unusual" behavior in public (ie: stimming or similar). try to relax (which is a problem for me). others?… though I am not really sure if these are what effect attraction of females. probably these will not work as well for others though… given that recently I have been getting stressed out and stimming, females don’t really seem as interested (which for me is not a problem). also: don’t think a relationship in itself will be a solution to problems or depression, as for well over 1 year with my girlfriend I was still depressed (it is almost 2 years now), really I found that my depression was more linked to my stress, which was caused by my "unnormal" behaviors and other factors. try to accept one’s self and don’t try to be others… hope this is helpful. — <cr88…@hotmail.com> <http://bgb1.hypermart.net/>

Response:

> Why stop at thinking you might make a nice couple? > Why not just suggest marriage while you’re about it?

Can’t a guy dream? > Ever thought of starting small with a little "Hi" and a smile?

That’s what I mean. You can’t even say hi because she’d be insulted. Women assume any guy saying hello to them means they want to get them into bed, such is their conceit. > I don’t understand what all the fuss is > about. Girls react the same way to > guys as guys do to girls.

Completely untrue. Guys have to live with so many social stigmas that it’s not even funny. > Think about it: you like those girls even > though they didn’t even greet you. Now why > would you want to go gushing over them > to make them like you?

She’s never said hello to me. None of them ever do… so in that respect, they’re all the same. But I’ve heard her talk to others and she seems pretty nice. A small thing to base a non-physical attraction on, but I can’t go on how women treat me if the only time women even bother to say anything to me is to insult me out of a passing car. > Yes, I know you didn’t say you gush, but > you do. And that’s what they don’t like.

They don’t even like me thinking about them, even when they don’t know it? How about that. Even though the vast majority of my crushes have never known I liked them, the few I was dumb enough to let find out treated me like a stalker, so that’s what I base what the others would do on. In any case, you appear to be advocating rejecting somebody because they like you. AH, so THAT’S why they all said no… it’s because I asked out people I actually LIKED. It’s all clear now. Here I was thinking it’s because they didn’t find me attractive or something. Of course not. Interesting angle, a pretty standard female maniupulative blame-the-victim mind fuck. My favourite is still "ignore a guy until he goes crazy from the psychologicl torture of wondering what he did, and then say you’re ignoring him because of that behaviour".

Response:

f…@pris.ca (%) wrote in news:3cdc8664.2085062@news.cis.dfn.de: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> On 11 May 2002 02:34:34 GMT, meg <megmerr…@hotmail.com> wrote: >>"Darkfalz" <darkf…@algo.sys> wrote in >>news:3cdbe21c_1@news.iprimus.com.au: >>> None of this post applies to women, since I’ve never got the >>> impression they ever have to feel like this. They can like whomever >>> they want and nobody can take it away from them. >>> But probably a lot of guys have dealt with the feeling that you can’t >>> tell a girl you like her largely because it would INSULT her (among >>> other reasons, like humiliating rejections). Because it might (gasp) >>> make her feel bad about herself… nevermind your feelings. >>> Nope, girls don’t get "flattered" anymore. They get angry and upset, >>> and in many cases, resentful, of you for liking them… unless you >>> happen to represent her notion of a perfect man. >>> A girl will be offended that you thought you were good enough to go >>> out with/like her, or in her terms, that you thought she was low >>> quality enough to go out with a guy like you. >>> No, I am not talking about supermodel types. I’m talking about very >>> average girls with fragile egos, who desperately want to believe that >>> even though they’re plain and can’t stick to a diet, that they can >>> still get the same kind of guy their prettier friends go out with, >>> that kinds of guys they need to prove their own self worth. The kind >>> of girls who would be crushed if they realised that they were actually >>> at the same level of guys they deem completely unconsiderable as >>> boyfriends. >>> As it happens, I’m developing a crush (fighting it every inch of the >>> way, though) on a girl at school who’s not that pretty, and has a >>> weight problem, and wears glasses (although she’s too vain/shy to wear >>> them except when she really needs them, in class) but I just know >>> she’d be so completely offended and angry at me if I had the gaul to >>> think that we might make a nice couple. After all, there’s a hell of a >>> lot of guys in my unit that are a hell of a lot better looking than I >>> am. >>> Anyway, I just wanted to say, I really hate that way of thinking. Why >>> is a guy only allowed to like you if he’s some gorgeous pinup boy, >>> even when you’re a frumpy and lumpy type? Why would you be insulted >>> that a guy decided to like you rather than someone prettier, just >>> because he’s not your dream guy? Because he thought that you were so >>> unappealing to others that you might actually go out with a loser like >>> him? No… why not that he saw past your plainess and wanted to give >>> you a chance for you, and hoped that you might do the same for him? >>> Why can’t women see guys the way they expect us (and mostly, the way >>> they get) to look at them, glossing over their flaws and focusing on >>> their pluses? >>> Sigh… all is lost. These days are dark. It’s time for the rapemen to >>> rise from the shadows and take justice through the only avenue still >>> open. >>> Darkfalz >>> PS. Ignore that rapemen line if you like… it’s only intended for my >>> "fans" who get off on marvelling over my alleged psychopathy. >>"How do you know what they’re thinking? You don’t." > it’s easy to know what they are thinking , > the hard part is to pretend we care .

Right.. it doesn’t seem at all like Darkfalz cares what they think.   Noooo, not at all. *eye roll*

Response:

On 11 May 2002 02:34:34 GMT, meg <megmerr…@hotmail.com> wrote: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->"Darkfalz" <darkf…@algo.sys> wrote in >news:3cdbe21c_1@news.iprimus.com.au: >> None of this post applies to women, since I’ve never got the >> impression they ever have to feel like this. They can like whomever >> they want and nobody can take it away from them. >> But probably a lot of guys have dealt with the feeling that you can’t >> tell a girl you like her largely because it would INSULT her (among >> other reasons, like humiliating rejections). Because it might (gasp) >> make her feel bad about herself… nevermind your feelings. >> Nope, girls don’t get "flattered" anymore. They get angry and upset, >> and in many cases, resentful, of you for liking them… unless you >> happen to represent her notion of a perfect man. >> A girl will be offended that you thought you were good enough to go >> out with/like her, or in her terms, that you thought she was low >> quality enough to go out with a guy like you. >> No, I am not talking about supermodel types. I’m talking about very >> average girls with fragile egos, who desperately want to believe that >> even though they’re plain and can’t stick to a diet, that they can >> still get the same kind of guy their prettier friends go out with, >> that kinds of guys they need to prove their own self worth. The kind >> of girls who would be crushed if they realised that they were actually >> at the same level of guys they deem completely unconsiderable as >> boyfriends. >> As it happens, I’m developing a crush (fighting it every inch of the >> way, though) on a girl at school who’s not that pretty, and has a >> weight problem, and wears glasses (although she’s too vain/shy to wear >> them except when she really needs them, in class) but I just know >> she’d be so completely offended and angry at me if I had the gaul to >> think that we might make a nice couple. After all, there’s a hell of a >> lot of guys in my unit that are a hell of a lot better looking than I >> am. >> Anyway, I just wanted to say, I really hate that way of thinking. Why >> is a guy only allowed to like you if he’s some gorgeous pinup boy, >> even when you’re a frumpy and lumpy type? Why would you be insulted >> that a guy decided to like you rather than someone prettier, just >> because he’s not your dream guy? Because he thought that you were so >> unappealing to others that you might actually go out with a loser like >> him? No… why not that he saw past your plainess and wanted to give >> you a chance for you, and hoped that you might do the same for him? >> Why can’t women see guys the way they expect us (and mostly, the way >> they get) to look at them, glossing over their flaws and focusing on >> their pluses? >> Sigh… all is lost. These days are dark. It’s time for the rapemen to >> rise from the shadows and take justice through the only avenue still >> open. >> Darkfalz >> PS. Ignore that rapemen line if you like… it’s only intended for my >> "fans" who get off on marvelling over my alleged psychopathy. >"How do you know what they’re thinking? You don’t."

it’s easy to know what they are thinking , the hard part is to pretend we care .

Response:

"Darkfalz" <darkf…@algo.sys> wrote in news:3cdbe21c_1@news.iprimus.com.au: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> None of this post applies to women, since I’ve never got the > impression they ever have to feel like this. They can like whomever > they want and nobody can take it away from them. > But probably a lot of guys have dealt with the feeling that you can’t > tell a girl you like her largely because it would INSULT her (among > other reasons, like humiliating rejections). Because it might (gasp) > make her feel bad about herself… nevermind your feelings. > Nope, girls don’t get "flattered" anymore. They get angry and upset, > and in many cases, resentful, of you for liking them… unless you > happen to represent her notion of a perfect man. > A girl will be offended that you thought you were good enough to go > out with/like her, or in her terms, that you thought she was low > quality enough to go out with a guy like you. > No, I am not talking about supermodel types. I’m talking about very > average girls with fragile egos, who desperately want to believe that > even though they’re plain and can’t stick to a diet, that they can > still get the same kind of guy their prettier friends go out with, > that kinds of guys they need to prove their own self worth. The kind > of girls who would be crushed if they realised that they were actually > at the same level of guys they deem completely unconsiderable as > boyfriends. > As it happens, I’m developing a crush (fighting it every inch of the > way, though) on a girl at school who’s not that pretty, and has a > weight problem, and wears glasses (although she’s too vain/shy to wear > them except when she really needs them, in class) but I just know > she’d be so completely offended and angry at me if I had the gaul to > think that we might make a nice couple. After all, there’s a hell of a > lot of guys in my unit that are a hell of a lot better looking than I > am. > Anyway, I just wanted to say, I really hate that way of thinking. Why > is a guy only allowed to like you if he’s some gorgeous pinup boy, > even when you’re a frumpy and lumpy type? Why would you be insulted > that a guy decided to like you rather than someone prettier, just > because he’s not your dream guy? Because he thought that you were so > unappealing to others that you might actually go out with a loser like > him? No… why not that he saw past your plainess and wanted to give > you a chance for you, and hoped that you might do the same for him? > Why can’t women see guys the way they expect us (and mostly, the way > they get) to look at them, glossing over their flaws and focusing on > their pluses? > Sigh… all is lost. These days are dark. It’s time for the rapemen to > rise from the shadows and take justice through the only avenue still > open. > Darkfalz > PS. Ignore that rapemen line if you like… it’s only intended for my > "fans" who get off on marvelling over my alleged psychopathy.

"How do you know what they’re thinking? You don’t."

Response:

"Darkfalz" <darkf…@algo.sys> wrote in message <news:3cdbe21c_1@news.iprimus.com.au>… > None of this post applies to women, since I’ve never got the impression they > ever have to feel like this. They can like whomever they want and nobody can > take it away from them. > But probably a lot of guys have dealt with the feeling that you can’t tell a > girl you like her largely because it would INSULT her (among other reasons, > like humiliating rejections). Because it might (gasp) make her feel bad > about herself… nevermind your feelings.

Don’t say bullshit you even don’t beleive yourself. > Nope, girls don’t get "flattered" anymore. They get angry and upset, and in > many cases, resentful, of you for liking them… unless you happen to > represent her notion of a perfect man. > A girl will be offended that you thought you were good enough to go out > with/like her, or in her terms, that you thought she was low quality enough > to go out with a guy like you.

I can’t beleive that all this stupidity you are saying is because you can not get close to girls and make them friends. With this fear of women you won’t go too far. > No, I am not talking about supermodel types. I’m talking about very average > girls with fragile egos, who desperately want to believe that even though > they’re plain and can’t stick to a diet, that they can still get the same > kind of guy their prettier friends go out with, that kinds of guys they need > to prove their own self worth. The kind of girls who would be crushed if > they realised that they were actually at the same level of guys they deem > completely unconsiderable as boyfriends. > As it happens, I’m developing a crush (fighting it every inch of the way, > though) on a girl at school who’s not that pretty, and has a weight problem, > and wears glasses (although she’s too vain/shy to wear them except when she

so you picked the ugliest girl in the class hoping she will accept you? > really needs them, in class) but I just know she’d be so completely offended

she will be offended because you really don’t love her, its ok, you deserve it > and angry at me if I had the gaul to think that we might make a nice couple. > After all, there’s a hell of a lot of guys in my unit that are a hell of a > lot better looking than I am. > Anyway, I just wanted to say, I really hate that way of thinking.

the intelligence has been given to you from God to surpass yourself, and you use it to hide from the truth. Now , put your brain to work and find out why are you so insecure. > Why is a > guy only allowed to like you if he’s some gorgeous pinup boy, even when > you’re a frumpy and lumpy type? Why would you be insulted that a guy decided > to like you rather than someone prettier, just because he’s not your dream > guy? Because he thought that you were so unappealing to others that you > might actually go out with a loser like him? No… why not that he saw past > your plainess and wanted to give you a chance for you, and hoped that you > might do the same for him? > Why can’t women see guys the way they expect us (and mostly, the way they > get) to look at them, glossing over their flaws and focusing on their > pluses?

The women see you as I do, a guy who wants to solve his personal problems using women. Trying to write "phylosophic-like" posts to impress us with your intelligence and reasoning, looking for someone who will support him for his fears, a guy who created almost a theory and developed a strategy to prove it only because he is afraid of women, can’t establish intimate relationship and be loved. Don’t be surprised when you get rejected. > Sigh… all is lost. These days are dark. It’s time for the rapemen to rise > from the shadows and take justice through the only avenue still open.

Yes, you are completely in darkness. > Darkfalz > PS. Ignore that rapemen line if you like… it’s only intended for my "fans" > who get off on marvelling over my alleged psychopathy.

Nick

Response:

"Darkfalz" wrote | | As it happens, I’m developing a crush (fighting it every inch of the way, | though) on a girl at school who’s not that pretty, and has a weight problem, | and wears glasses (although she’s too vain/shy to wear them except when she | really needs them, in class) but I just know she’d be so completely offended | and angry at me if I had the gaul to think that we might make a nice couple. Why stop at thinking you might make a nice couple? Why not just suggest marriage while you’re about it? Ever thought of starting small with a little "Hi" and a smile? | Why can’t women see guys the way they expect us (and mostly, the way they | get) to look at them, glossing over their flaws and focusing on their | pluses? I don’t understand what all the fuss is about. Girls react the same way to guys as guys do to girls. Think about it: you like those girls even though they didn’t even greet you. Now why would you want to go gushing over them to make them like you? Yes, I know you didn’t say you gush, but you do. And that’s what they don’t like. | | Sigh… all is lost. These days are dark. It’s | time for the rapemen to rise from the shadows | and take justice through the only avenue still open. | | Darkfalz | – Michaela

Response:

"Darkfalz" <darkf…@algo.sys> wrote in message

news:3cdbe21c_1@news.iprimus.com.au… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> None of this post applies to women, since I’ve never got the impression they > ever have to feel like this. They can like whomever they want and nobody can > take it away from them. > But probably a lot of guys have dealt with the feeling that you can’t tell a > girl you like her largely because it would INSULT her (among other reasons, > like humiliating rejections). Because it might (gasp) make her feel bad > about herself… nevermind your feelings. > Nope, girls don’t get "flattered" anymore. They get angry and upset, and in > many cases, resentful, of you for liking them… unless you happen to > represent her notion of a perfect man. > A girl will be offended that you thought you were good enough to go out > with/like her, or in her terms, that you thought she was low quality enough > to go out with a guy like you. > No, I am not talking about supermodel types. I’m talking about very average > girls with fragile egos, who desperately want to believe that even though > they’re plain and can’t stick to a diet, that they can still get the same > kind of guy their prettier friends go out with, that kinds of guys they need > to prove their own self worth. The kind of girls who would be crushed if > they realised that they were actually at the same level of guys they deem > completely unconsiderable as boyfriends. > As it happens, I’m developing a crush (fighting it every inch of the way, > though) on a girl at school who’s not that pretty, and has a weight problem, > and wears glasses (although she’s too vain/shy to wear them except when she > really needs them, in class) but I just know she’d be so completely offended > and angry at me if I had the gaul to think that we might make a nice couple. > After all, there’s a hell of a lot of guys in my unit that are a hell of a > lot better looking than I am. > Anyway, I just wanted to say, I really hate that way of thinking. Why is a > guy only allowed to like you if he’s some gorgeous pinup boy, even when > you’re a frumpy and lumpy type? Why would you be insulted that a guy decided > to like you rather than someone prettier, just because he’s not your dream > guy? Because he thought that you were so unappealing to others that you > might actually go out with a loser like him? No… why not that he saw past > your plainess and wanted to give you a chance for you, and hoped that you > might do the same for him? > Why can’t women see guys the way they expect us (and mostly, the way they > get) to look at them, glossing over their flaws and focusing on their > pluses?

All people want to be appreciated for other things than their looks. Liking someone just because you think they are desperate completely disregards them as a person. People don’t want to feel like they are a charity case, and you are some benevolent benefactor or rescuer. Find something you really like about them, because all you are saying to them is "I like you because I think you can’t do better". That is insulting, not complimentary. You need to get to know someone enough to find some good things about them. Then they will let you say that you like them, and accept it as a genuine compliment. Learn to appreciate others for who they are.

Response:

None of this post applies to women, since I’ve never got the impression they ever have to feel like this. They can like whomever they want and nobody can take it away from them. But probably a lot of guys have dealt with the feeling that you can’t tell a girl you like her largely because it would INSULT her (among other reasons, like humiliating rejections). Because it might (gasp) make her feel bad about herself… nevermind your feelings. Nope, girls don’t get "flattered" anymore. They get angry and upset, and in many cases, resentful, of you for liking them… unless you happen to represent her notion of a perfect man. A girl will be offended that you thought you were good enough to go out with/like her, or in her terms, that you thought she was low quality enough to go out with a guy like you. No, I am not talking about supermodel types. I’m talking about very average girls with fragile egos, who desperately want to believe that even though they’re plain and can’t stick to a diet, that they can still get the same kind of guy their prettier friends go out with, that kinds of guys they need to prove their own self worth. The kind of girls who would be crushed if they realised that they were actually at the same level of guys they deem completely unconsiderable as boyfriends. As it happens, I’m developing a crush (fighting it every inch of the way, though) on a girl at school who’s not that pretty, and has a weight problem, and wears glasses (although she’s too vain/shy to wear them except when she really needs them, in class) but I just know she’d be so completely offended and angry at me if I had the gaul to think that we might make a nice couple. After all, there’s a hell of a lot of guys in my unit that are a hell of a lot better looking than I am. Anyway, I just wanted to say, I really hate that way of thinking. Why is a guy only allowed to like you if he’s some gorgeous pinup boy, even when you’re a frumpy and lumpy type? Why would you be insulted that a guy decided to like you rather than someone prettier, just because he’s not your dream guy? Because he thought that you were so unappealing to others that you might actually go out with a loser like him? No… why not that he saw past your plainess and wanted to give you a chance for you, and hoped that you might do the same for him? Why can’t women see guys the way they expect us (and mostly, the way they get) to look at them, glossing over their flaws and focusing on their pluses? Sigh… all is lost. These days are dark. It’s time for the rapemen to rise from the shadows and take justice through the only avenue still open. Darkfalz PS. Ignore that rapemen line if you like… it’s only intended for my "fans" who get off on marvelling over my alleged psychopathy.

Response:

Filed under: Feminist

Related Posts

• Nice Guys *Can* Dig Porn!
• Different Kinds of Bad Women
• Are all women born mindf*cks?
• something has changed...
• Wayne Dyer
• new tat. question
• Payne Stewart's racist nature reveals itself
• BEWARE (was Yosemite closed)
• African Christianity (Re: Origins of Christianity)
• slightly embarassing