creating open family?

Question:

Amy: This reply is late in coming, so please excuse me if I repeat what others may have already said. Here is a new dilemma of min for y’all. how to build c ommunity for my kids? Short history: Moved long distance with s2bx 4 years ago w/13 year old. Got pregnant (obviously, 9 months ) Three months after birth, bought house, moved to 2nd community in large city Second school system for oldest boy. When younger child 2, find out about s2bx’s affair. At 3 years old, s2bx files for divorce. S2bx has had 3 jobs in the last 4 years. A few of the difficulties of my situation includes moving far away from family, and not having much time to build a community for my kids, knowing other moms, church affiliations, even neighborhood friends.

Too bad we are not closer together, Amy . Move over for we are in the same boat . How can I start creating a group of people who know, and will help with my children. I am not sure if they have anything remotely similar where you live, but in The Great White North, I belong to a group called Parents Without Partners. Not only do they have weekly meetings for us parents to socialize and find support, they also include many parent/child weekend activities such as picnics, skating, etc. You can tell from the expression on our children’s faces that they feel a part of a much needed "group" since most of their inner circle of friends’ parents are still married. An added bonus for me was that upon joining, a nonbinding, "on your honor" agreement is made that members do not pursue other members, limiting the number of "dating trolls". The book Mom’s House, Dad’s house talked about having an open community where you could share watching kids, or trips to museums and create some time and family for them. In my previous community I had lots of friends and family who would come on road trips with my kids, or share Thanksgiving dinner, or even babysit so I could go to a concert.

Amy, one thing I have found is that if you can’t find what you and yours need and it is a missing from your community, start a support group yourself. Yes, initially it would entail a lot of work, though this could be a hidden bonus in keeping you busy and even involving your children as helpers. It sounds like a great idea! Anybody (thanks) who has been reading my posts knows we will probably have to move again. And personally, I miss being around friends and family who help me love and value and enjoy my children. I need some human being support here. I have a few good friends from working, but most of them are working moms struggling to manage their own families. And single professionals with no interest in helping my kids adjust (again) Any suggestions, outside of picking a church and landing on their doorstep with lots of need and hurt? Shoot On top of getting divorced, finding more work, raising two kids, selling a

Yeah, all the "to be done’s" at times feel endless. But the need for emotional, community support for you and your children far outweighs some other responsibility that could be put on the back burner for now. We have been so isolated, and I feel too needy to fall apart in front of kind and well meaning

neighbors. Again, Amy, I can relate. I am in the midst of deciding a hopefully, long lasting home for our children and myself that will accomodate everyone’s needs, including my stbx. So much to consider: visitation schedules, new job, new schools, new support group, to be near family or not…the list seems endless at times. Paramount to me is giving the girls "roots" and security. It would break my heart having to put them through another move if I don’t do my "homework" <baring any incidents beyond my control. Any ideas Thanks Amy

Good luck! Kats

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Here is a new dilemma of min for y’all. how to build c ommunity for my kids? <snip The book Mom’s House, Dad’s house talked about having an open community where you could share watching kids, or trips to museums and create some time and family for them. In my previous community I had lots of friends and family who would come on road trips with my kids, or share Thanksgiving dinner, or even babysit so I could go to a concert. Anybody (thanks) who has been reading my posts knows we will probably have to move again. And personally, I miss being around friends and family who help me love and value and enjoy my children. I need some human being support here. I have a few good friends from working, but most of them are working moms struggling to manage their own families. And single professionals with no interest in helping my kids adjust (again)

<snip I don’t understand. What’s wrong with your few good friends who are working moms? I would think they’d be ideal. — Jeri "Set your course by the stars, and not by the lights of every passing ship." -Omar Bradley

Response:

Most of them are very involved with their own children’s daily education, nightly afterschool activities, and they’re own solid marriages. I feel as if i infringe upon their own families to include mine in activities that are designed with their own husbands and kids. Kind of like that third wheel thing, except with children to boot! As of yet, I don’t know any single parents. My chick friends are good telephone pals and all, but like most women with families, they are pretty heavily overloaded with their own. Amy

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Here is a new dilemma of min for y’all. how to build c ommunity for my kids? <snip The book Mom’s House, Dad’s house talked about having an open community where you could share watching kids, or trips to museums and create some time and family for them. In my previous community I had lots of friends and family who would come on road trips with my kids, or share Thanksgiving dinner, or even babysit so I could go to a concert. Anybody (thanks) who has been reading my posts knows we will probably have to move again. And personally, I miss being around friends and family who help me love and value and enjoy my children. I need some human being support here. I have a few good friends from working, but most of them are working moms struggling to manage their own families. And single professionals with no interest in helping my kids adjust (again) <snip I don’t understand. What’s wrong with your few good friends who are working moms? I would think they’d be ideal. — Jeri "Set your course by the stars, and not by the lights of every passing ship." -Omar Bradley

Response:

Thank you, same situation here. Moved for s2bx’s work. As his career took off, I just stayed closer to home. Didn’t network for greater employment, but got involved with kids school stuff and sports etc. I had spent 14 years in former community building my own business, and open family. Thanks for the words of encouragement. I know it can be done, but sometimes I feel like I have little to offer in terms of friendship. My own family needs so much right now, especially with two boys. You have a wonderful and optimistic attitude, I think i’ll borrow it just for today, teeheehee Amy

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Amy…any chance at all, of moving back to a place close to family and friends? I’m in the same situation…moved to Calgary after 18 years in one place. Moved here for his job….he was the one with the friends and social life here. I know two people. Now he’s gone, and I’m left hanging. I haven’t gotten motivated enough yet, but I do plan on doing some volunteer work, as well as getting involved with the singing group my 11 year old daughter is involved in as well. Hopefully, I’ll meet some people that way. I guess it’s just a matter of us getting "out there" and finding people with similar interests. In your case, maybe a "Mommy and Me" playgroup, or swimming lessons? Good luck with it….hang in there – we’ll make friends and get support somehow. I mean, we’re wonderful folks…who wouldn’t want to be our friend? :)))))) Hugs Kathy Here is a new dilemma of min for y’all. how to build c ommunity for my kids? Short history: Moved long distance with s2bx 4 years ago w/13 year old. Got pregnant (obviously, 9 months ) Three months after birth, bought house, moved to 2nd community in large city Second school system for oldest boy. When younger child 2, find out about s2bx’s affair. At 3 years old, s2bx files for divorce. S2bx has had 3 jobs in the last 4 years. A few of the difficulties of my situation includes moving far away from family, and not having much time to build a community for my kids, knowing other moms, church affiliations, even neighborhood friends. How can I start creating a group of people who know, and will help with my children. The book Mom’s House, Dad’s house talked about having an open community where you could share watching kids, or trips to museums and create some time and family for them. In my previous community I had lots of friends and family who would come on road trips with my kids, or share Thanksgiving dinner, or even babysit so I could go to a concert. Anybody (thanks) who has been reading my posts knows we will probably have to move again. And personally, I miss being around friends and family who help me love and value and enjoy my children. I need some human being support here. I have a few good friends from working, but most of them are working moms struggling to manage their own families. And single professionals with no interest in helping my kids adjust (again) Any suggestions, outside of picking a church and landing on their doorstep with lots of need and hurt? Shoot On top of getting divorced, finding more work, raising two kids, selling a and I feel too needy to fall apart in front of kind and well meaning neighbors. Any ideas Thanks Amy

Response:

Amy…any chance at all, of moving back to a place close to family and friends? I’m in the same situation…moved to Calgary after 18 years in one place. Moved here for his job….he was the one with the friends and social life here. I know two people. Now he’s gone, and I’m left hanging. I haven’t gotten motivated enough yet, but I do plan on doing some volunteer work, as well as getting involved with the singing group my 11 year old daughter is involved in as well. Hopefully, I’ll meet some people that way. I guess it’s just a matter of us getting "out there" and finding people with similar interests. In your case, maybe a "Mommy and Me" playgroup, or swimming lessons? Good luck with it….hang in there – we’ll make friends and get support somehow. I mean, we’re wonderful folks…who wouldn’t want to be our friend? :)))))) Hugs Kathy – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Here is a new dilemma of min for y’all. how to build c ommunity for my kids? Short history: Moved long distance with s2bx 4 years ago w/13 year old. Got pregnant (obviously, 9 months ) Three months after birth, bought house, moved to 2nd community in large city Second school system for oldest boy. When younger child 2, find out about s2bx’s affair. At 3 years old, s2bx files for divorce. S2bx has had 3 jobs in the last 4 years. A few of the difficulties of my situation includes moving far away from family, and not having much time to build a community for my kids, knowing other moms, church affiliations, even neighborhood friends. How can I start creating a group of people who know, and will help with my children. The book Mom’s House, Dad’s house talked about having an open community where you could share watching kids, or trips to museums and create some time and family for them. In my previous community I had lots of friends and family who would come on road trips with my kids, or share Thanksgiving dinner, or even babysit so I could go to a concert. Anybody (thanks) who has been reading my posts knows we will probably have to move again. And personally, I miss being around friends and family who help me love and value and enjoy my children. I need some human being support here. I have a few good friends from working, but most of them are working moms struggling to manage their own families. And single professionals with no interest in helping my kids adjust (again) Any suggestions, outside of picking a church and landing on their doorstep with lots of need and hurt? Shoot On top of getting divorced, finding more work, raising two kids, selling a I feel too needy to fall apart in front of kind and well meaning neighbors. Any ideas Thanks Amy

Response:

Here is a new dilemma of min for y’all. how to build c ommunity for my kids? Short history: Moved long distance with s2bx 4 years ago w/13 year old. Got pregnant (obviously, 9 months ) Three months after birth, bought house, moved to 2nd community in large city Second school system for oldest boy. When younger child 2, find out about s2bx’s affair. At 3 years old, s2bx files for divorce. S2bx has had 3 jobs in the last 4 years. A few of the difficulties of my situation includes moving far away from family, and not having much time to build a community for my kids, knowing other moms, church affiliations, even neighborhood friends. How can I start creating a group of people who know, and will help with my children. The book Mom’s House, Dad’s house talked about having an open community where you could share watching kids, or trips to museums and create some time and family for them. In my previous community I had lots of friends and family who would come on road trips with my kids, or share Thanksgiving dinner, or even babysit so I could go to a concert. Anybody (thanks) who has been reading my posts knows we will probably have to move again. And personally, I miss being around friends and family who help me love and value and enjoy my children. I need some human being support here. I have a few good friends from working, but most of them are working moms struggling to manage their own families. And single professionals with no interest in helping my kids adjust (again) Any suggestions, outside of picking a church and landing on their doorstep with lots of need and hurt? Shoot On top of getting divorced, finding more work, raising two kids, selling a I feel too needy to fall apart in front of kind and well meaning neighbors. Any ideas Thanks Amy

Response:

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